Oh, I seeee now.
I "play" people.

yes.
I play people. You have to say alot to me to piss me off. And that was just to make yourself feel better but GUESS WHAT
I DIDN'T "PLAY" YOU
I GAVE YOU A FUCKING SECOND CHANCE
HOW IS THAT PLAYING?


Ask anyone who knows me at all, even if they don't like me they'll tell you I'm not a mean person. But yeah, I "play" people. THAT makes alot of fucking sense.


and yeah, I talked to my friend because reguardless of what I said, you wouldn't leave me alone. No matter how many times I asked you, I don't understand why the hell I've ever meant so much to you.
I didn't do anything special.
Now please, go live your life, like i'm attempting to live mine.
There are more important things in the world.

and sorry, I won't go "tell all my little friends that your a bitch" because last time I checked, they were older than yours. And you. And second off, I don't do that. Sorry to dissapoint you.

Maybe when your a little bit older you'll understand.
I didn't think two years was that big of a difference
but HELL IS IT.

this is going to be worse than training a dog.

YAAAAYHAYHAY!

GREEN DAY
A - Spanish III - Diozzi
B - MCAS Math - Johnson
C- Graphic Design - Kunze
D- PE/Health - Crocker

GOLD DAY

E- US History II honors (Tully)
F- English 10 honors (Winacoo)
G- Chemistry (Francis)
H- Geometry (Dorval)

I think i'm going to apply to go to SVA next summer.

"It's not like those days,
it's not like i'm scared of you "


Ah boy.

Okay, so my dads travel agent invited my stepmom to go to paris this november on some thingymabobber through the travel company in order to get discounts.

UM.
somehow
my dad agreed to let me miss 4 days of school to go to paris.
i'm going to fucking paris for my 16th birthday.
possibly.
i MIGHT be going
if the travel agent gets enough people.

AND UM
guess whos in paris november 9th?!
mhm.
PARIS.

So i'm not going through everything, but I'll note some key stuff, I suppose =]

Anchorage, Alaska
SUCKED. A DEAD city. DEAD.
NEVER EVER EAT AT RED ROBIN.
fucking disgusting.
we saw some glaciers and some animals and there was a whole lot of...nothing.

Denali, Alaska
WORST STOP.
this is where all the drama began, AND we got to take a joyous 8 hour bus ride through denali national park where this lady threatened to kill us all, because she used to work in a prison.
THIS IS, HOWEVER, WHERE THE DEBORAH JOKES BEGAN!
and then this old couple said we ruined their vacation.
It was a pretty sweet time.

Fairbanks, Alaska
DEAD city. Again. hahaha. Gives for some good pictures though. I got some pretty good ones that will be up on my facebook as soon as they LET ME ON IT.
So some drama really surfaced here. Adrienne drama. Melissa drama. But a lot of it was solved on the last night in Alaska, when they decided to take us to a park to chill at 1 in the morning, because in alaska it doesn't get dark in the summer. THAT was fun. A lot of stuff was solved that night.

Seattle, Washington
OH MAN. Okay so we had to fly, and we get on the bus (the nicest bus i've ever been in) and this english cowboy leprochaun tells us *british accent* "this is a $500,000 MOTORCOACH, do not lean on the backs of the seats"
and we got to the hotel and waited until 1 AM to get pizza because we never ate dinner.
WE PLAYED WHIRLYBALL
and danny passed out...we tried to have a heart-to-heart. Actually adrienne tried to have one. Didn't work. She then came into my room with miranda and rachel and said this to the counselor. "Miranda is upset about Danny, Rachel is sick, and Lindsy has her own problems so I have to sleep in here tonight." I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HAVING PROBLEMS.
COUGH.
we went on an underground tour, and the first starbucks. AND the experience music project. that was cool.


Whistler, British Columbia, Canada
very very pretty place
nice hotel. we saw evan almighty. it sucked.
probably one of my favorite rooms. Chelsea, Brooke, and Melissa. Chelsea is one of the funniest people, EVER.
some people went skiing, we basically just had a shitload of free time.
OH we had good sushi.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
we went ice skating, ummm, and we went to the capilano suspension bridge. and thats basically it. AND THE AQUARIUM.

Lake Tahoe, California
Rachael Berman got sick. everyone was scared shitless of getting sick. We went tubing, made ourselves dinner, went minigolfing AND DIDN'T GET KICKED OUT!
brooke made a cake and the FOB and BOB girls were forced to have a talk thanks to mean comments. FOB = front of bus BOB = back of bus
mhm.

San Francisco, California
my favorite city.
we went to alcatraz, walked up lombard street, and went to circus school. we went to a club with another ATW tour, and JW asked Miranda out. They broke up 7 hours later. The hotel was a dissapointment compared to last year. We went to the hard rock and walked around pier 39.
OH and we went to chinatown.
OH MY GOD CHINATOWN.
so first we bought chinese noisemakers (5 boxes for a dollar BITCH!)
and people in my walking group (zach, nora, rachael b, and rob i believe) were throwing them on the street and then we saw anthony's group. and i forget who was in it besides him. Maybe Cary & Sam, etc. Or maybe it was Scott, Blewis, Corey, etc. BUT WHATEVER. So then Zach and anthony decided to have a noisemaker war. And it was pretty much amazing. Nora has a picture I want from it, it will be my facebook default even though its the backside of me. THEN. OH SHIT THEN.

zach saw adriennes group and kind of walked away, but we were all in the same general area. So I walked around with chelsea, brooke, jason, and sam. But again we were all in the same general area. So we were all standing in front of this chinese restaurant. Now Danny is afraid of firecrackers. He didn't like the noisemakers. And spencer, a BOB kid, let a stink bomb off right in front of us. It lit on fire. Danny was standing against the window of the restaurant and he started to freak out. Melissa, Zach, and Adrienne all tried to calm him down but in turn they broke the window of the restaurant. ATW is now paying for said window.

OH!
we walked the golden gate bridge and went to sausalito too.

Los Angeles, California
The hotel was absolutely gorgeous. AH!
Joe & Matts room, oh geez. So apparently they walked into the room, and there was a puddle of blood on the bed and bloody footprints. NO LIE. (note: it was friday, july 13th.)
Apparently the guy who was in the room before checked out and came BACK and his key was not deactivated yet so he got in. We still have no idea what happened. BUT it was the room right next to mine, and there were investigators there and yeah.
We went to universal and disney. Same old shitttt.
OH and we went to shop at Kitson, one of those stores you always read about in US weekly. WE COULDN'T GET IN BECAUSE STUPID ZAC EFRON AND AMANDA BYNES WERE SHOPPING IN THERE. Yeah.
We walked rodeo drive too. And went to the improv, which I absolutely loved. OH and rachael berman left. she apparently didn't make friends. I tried to include her.

Carnival Paradise cruise to Ensenada, Baja Mexico
THIS is where things got good.
Kind of.
So, first night I felt so sick and absolutely hated the boat. I took dramamine and fell asleep in my life jacket during the muster drill. Haha, oops. After dinner, we were then forced to go to a cheesy show about FUN. that turned quite risque, might I add. and Zach and Miranda's feelings for each other began to come out during said show. (background info: Zach and adrienne went out twice and are "best friends" now but adrienne still likes him but he doesn't return the feeling. Adrienne and miranda are best friends. do the math.)
We went to the teen club and it sucked. Eventually everyone just ended up going to bed. There really wasn't much to do. BUT NOT BEFORE we ordered free room service.

Next day we were on Catalina. But only 5 kids actually got off the boat. Danny, Sam, Brooke and I had pancakes . I needed to get off that boat. Brooke is one of those people that isn't afraid to ask awkward questions. She asks Danny what the guys say about us (us being her, Sam and I) around him. Brooke had nothing to worry about. ME? exactly what I thought it was. I'm not very physically attractive. When I try its not that bad, but otherwise forget about it.

We went back on the boat and met people at the pool. I didn't go in. All day people were telling zach to ask miranda out. Adrienne was mad at miranda. Guess why. That night everyone just kind of hung out and walked around. I hung out with Sam. We got ice cream. It was fun. We got room service again.

Next day we were on Baja Mexico. Zach asked Miranda out, she said yes. Adriennes not talking to either of them. Of course the whole FOB is in a group walking around in Mexico. We had to have big groups because we needed a counselor. Mexico = sketchy. I was told not to eat the food or drink the water. I didn't. Others did. We actually went to a restaurant. I just didn't eat anything. We walked around a bit more and got back on the boat. We chilled in my room, and adrienne still didn't talk to zach and miranda. I was walking around the boat later with Melissa, Chelsea, and Anthony when we saw these random guys acting like assholes. Chelsea and Melissa decided to talk to them, and thats not something I would do. So when Melissa and Chelsea decided to walk around with these guys, I stayed and hung out with Anthony. It was really the first time we had ever hung out on the trip and I found out then he was one of the coolest people I have ever met in my entire life. I went back to my room to go to bed at 1:30, our curfew that night. I walked in and sitting in my bed were none other than one of the sketchy boys from before with no shirt on and melissa. The floor and other two beds were packed with other kids from the trip like adrienne, danny, chelsea, rachel, nora, etc. and i was told that my phone, which i left in my room to avoid losing it and plus it was charging, was taken by one of the sketchy boys, and he took pictures of himself and set one as my background. Nora erased all the pictures and changed my background back, thank god. We got a call from Sam after curfew saying that Brooke threw up. Brooke ate the food in mexico. Miranda then came to sleep in our room because she can't be near throw up, shes paranoid. then Rachel threw up, she was in my room. then Sam threw up, but luckily she was in brookes room.

The next day, our day at sea, brooke, sam and rachel all stayed in one room. Zach and miranda were having adrienne problems as well as others. Adrienne and I went to hang out with anthony, and it turns out that anthony and cary got in a fight over something really stupid and cary said some mean stuff but i won't go into it. Then miranda came in and apparently adrienne was talking to her again. We made a fort with the pullman beds and sheets. then we watched tv. it was fun. then zach came in. then everyone flipped on anthony for being upset over cary. except for me. everyone else left and I walked around the boat with him. Then we ran into Blewis and Matt. Anthony went to hang out with them and I hung out with nora. For our last night on the cruise, we had a dance. (oh and zach and miranda broke up...guess why. hint: starts with an A) at the dance, cary accused anthony of breaking his MP3 player when he didn't even touch it. long story short, adrienne and miranda lied to the counselors to save their own asses. I told the truth but no one believed me, really. We woke up and got off the boat. These issues all ended up resolved but i'm not going into detail.

Honolulu/Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
the hotel was gorgeous and had a mall in it. It was sick. First night we went to the cheesecake factory. Next day we hung out at the beach and went shopping all day. We went to another club with another teen tour that night, then went to Chili's. The next day we went on a submarine ride and then went on a dinner cruise (note: it was also anthony's birthday) and that was fun too. More beach and shopping and hanging out. We went to a polynesian magic show and cirque hawaii as well. We also did pearl harbor and University of hawaii.

Maui, Hawaii
we got there and had time to swim, then we went to the mall near the hotel for dinner. We walked around the mall and got ice cream. Next day, melissa and I woke up and decided we wanted to go back to the mall. We needed a group of 4 so we called dan and anthony. good time, again. we hung at the pool and went snorkeling. but it kind of sucked. the water was really rough. That night we went to a luau at the hotel. During the firedancers we went down to the beach and took pictures which I will post later on my facebook. That was another one of my favorite nights.
The last day we had all free to go to the pool or whatever. Dan, Brooke, Melissa, Joe, and Chelsea were hanging out in melissa and I's room for about 2 hours when anthony called me asking if we wanted to go get food so all of us went to get brownie sundaes and then went swimming.
that night we had until 11 to meet in the lobby. I took my ipod out to the pool and sat out. It was too cold for me to swim. At 11 we played trivia in the lobby, but it was outdoors. Fun stuff.

Kona, Hawaii
last stop. first day there we had to wait a long time to get to our rooms. then brooke, chelsea, zach, miranda, adrienne, dan, nora, rachel, sam, melissa and i went down to the pool to go swimming. It was our second to last night and we were going out for a nice dinner, and we were told to look presentable so after an hour and a half we went upstairs to start getting ready. We walked to dinner, and it was good. haha. Then we went back and went to bed, for the last time. The next day we went on an all-day tour of the big island of Hawaii. We went to a black sand beach, a kona coffee company, a macadamia nut/chocolate factory, the lava tube, volcanoes, a crater, it was all in all pretty interesting. Then we went for our last dinner at some random local place. We went back to the hotel and we were told we had until 9:30 to meet in the lobby. It was 8 then. All of the FOB kids went to adriennes room, but i decided to walk around the hotel with anthony instead. the hotel was freaking huge. we needed to take boats to get to the other side. OH and we found these hammocks, which were pretty cool too. At 930 we all met in the lobby and went to a ballroom to "bond" because it was the last night. we had to do skits. AHH that was fun. Then we auctioned off souveneirs from various stops on the tour using points we earned from the aforementioned trivia game.
After that, they told us we had no curfew that night and girls could sleep in guys rooms and vice versa and we had the night to ourselves. I was sitting in my room after I packed with Chelsea and Brooke, and EVERYONE was coming to sleep in our room, for some reason. After everyone came, I got so annoyed by EVERYONE, so I went on to the balcony. I wanted to leave then. Then anthony came in for a while, and after a bit, he asked if i wanted to go back to those hammocks from before. more people should have come with us, but it was impossible to get just brooke and chelsea out of there without everyone else following. We just walked and talked for a while, then we went back and hung out with everyone for a while, then anthony left. Then, at 4 AM some people decided they wanted to sleep so they left. then it was just me brooke chelsea zach dan and anthony. then dan and i wanted to sleep so we stayed in my room. then rachael called me and woke me up because of the 6 hour time difference. i saw the sunrise and wanted to go outside to watch it so i called zach. zach, brooke, miranda and I all went out to the pool area and we went to this beach that was all rocks. it was 530 am. I was on the phone with my brother when i tripped on a rock and fell. I scraped up my whole leg pretty badly so we went back upstairs because it was bleeding pretty badly. We called the front desk for a first aid kit and someone came up and bandaged my leg. by the time that was all over it was 630. Zach and miranda left and anthony and chelsea came into the room. and somehow danny showed up too. anthony brooke danny and i all slept for 2 hours in my room. then we got up and went to the airport. flight one: Kona to Honolulu: 45 minutes - alphabetical so i sat with brooke and zach
flight two: honolulu to minneapolis - overnight flight- we got to choose our seats, i sat with anthony, i watched garden state and did not sleep at all.
flight three: minneapolis to laguardia - 2.5 hour flight, i sat with anthony again, and slept the whole flight.
we said goodbye to everyone at the baggage claim, then me, steven, and hanna (BOB kids) had to be driven to JFK to go to boston.
flight four: NYC to Boston - 45 minutes, sat alone. Flight was delayed an hour because the incoming plane was late, then when we got on the runway there was bad weather in boston so they told the pilot to stay for an hour. the plane was supposed to get in at 3:10. it got in at 5:45. i got home at 6:30. 7 hours later than everyone else.


yep. thats it.

Okay, so my pictures did not come out that great. Rachael's did, though.

Rachael's pictures:
http://hs.facebook.com/album.php?aid=11774&id=507690235

my pictures:
http://hs.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2905&id=507627601

my videos:
http://hs.facebook.com/video/?id=507627601&ref=app


anyway,
my itinerary is on my facebook, and its a few entries down.
Feeeeel free to give me a call. Leave a message, etc. Idk if i'll be able to get on a computer at all during the next 5 weeks. Maybe in an apple stor or something, but if you want to reach me the best way is to call my cell phone and leave me a message. (i love getting messages haha)
have fun at your various concerts!!!!
I'll be back July 30th =]
talk to you allllllll then.

OKAY HEY.
So, all day I'm completely restless, going like "can we leave yet can we leave yet CAN WE LEAVE YET" only not THAT annoyingly, but you get it. I knew there was going to be bad traffic and a LOT of bad drivers, and plus Tweeters an hour and a half away, and there was NO WAY I was waiting longer than I had to to get there. But of course I'm still a few months away from being able to legally drive a car in the state of Massachusetts. BUT WHATEVER.
So because my sister had a birthday party (._.) we had to drop her off first, and she couldn't get there until 5:30. My dad is sitting there talking to the girls dad and i'm in the backseat jumping up and down restlessly because we STILL had to pick up Rachael on the other side of town. Long story short, we didn't end up getting there until 20 minutes before the concert started. Which didn't make me very happy, but HEY WHATEVER.

So we go in and we buy our shirts, etc. etc. (BY THE WAY; THEY HAVE THE NEW FRAY HATS ON SALE THERE) and go to our seats. They were good seats, not that far (but my camera makes it seem like I was farther away than I was...PICTURES LATER) and Mae comes on. Now personally, I really like Mae. But no one stood up, no one seemed to be all that excited. I felt kinda bad, but hey, what can you do. But Dave(i'm pretty sure thats his name) the lead singer, at the end of your set, made an announcement about meeting anyone who was interested outside the pavilion area. I thought that was nice of Mae to do. More on that later.

I hadn't eaten dinner yet so Rachael and I went on a search for rediculously overpriced-lower-in-sodium-stadium food. (UMM btw, low sodium in stadium? HAHA no.) Because nether of us liked OK go. So we sat on a little bench as I was eating the burger and water I paid 11 dollars for (rediculous.) and Rachael and I hear this girl whos sitting next to us say something to her boyfriend. OK go was coming onstage, and you could hear the beginning notes of one of their songs, and the girl goes "Is The Fray coming on now? *takes disgusting bite of nacho* (i can tell because her mouth is full with what she says next) BECAUSE WE BETTER RUN IF THEY ARE"
NO, LADY, THEY'RE PUTTING THE HEADLINER ON BEFORE THE OPENER. Wow.

So we're walking back to our seats after we're done eating and just chilling, because I was hoping once OK go started more people would go inside and maybe the guys would be chilling near a backstage door or something. HAHA nope. That was stupid for me to hope. ANYWAY, the line to meet Mae was pretty short, so Rachael and I did. It was pretty sweet. BUT OH. Waiting in the line, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. There was a girl wearing the same shirt as me, and I wasn't wearing the shirt I bought there. I was wearing my inspi(red) one, but actually by then I had my Colorado sweatshirt on. But thats beside the point. So I looked at this girls face, and its none other than BOOM. Monica. I wanted to get out of line right then. (note: she was wearing a BLG sweatshirt. Why am I not surprised?) I mean, come on. I didn't see her at the smaller shows we've both been to, and of course the BIGGEST show, I see her. Not to mention she probably would have attacked me for copying her and wearing the same shirt if she saw I was wearing the same one. MOVING ON. We met Mae and took a picture and they were really nice.

We go back to our seats and OK Go's not done yet. This girl is standing 2 rows in front of us, the only one standing up in our section. Or at least that far up in our section, and shes being obnoxious. So the lady sitting in the row behind her (one in front of me) asks her to sit down. SHE FLIPS. "THATS MY FUCKING BROTHER UP THERE ON THAT STAGE LADY SO *middle finger* OKAY? THATS MY FUCKING BROTHER" And I'm thinking "so you're brothers in a band here, and you're stuck 10 rows back? why aren't you backstage?" She comes back into the story later.

So then OK go gets off and the techies come on. I'm to the point where I can almost no longer contain myself. I look around me, and I realize that almost, if not every seat in the arena is filled. I didn't expect that at all. Tweeter holds 10,000 people EASILY. It amazed me, but yet I don't know, I got one of those sinky feelings in the pit of my stomach. But hey, they definitely DEFINTIELY deserve it. And it's not like i'm one of the TRUE hardcore fans, I mean I've only been to 4 concerts, haha. Thats NOTHING. Oh but what I would give to go to red rocks. And when I told my dad that, he looked at me in the wierdest way I've ever seen him look at me. Even though that wasn't the first time i've mentioned it to him.

The lights then go off. And 5 minutes later, YES A WHOLE FIVE MINUTES, this green heartbeat thingy, like on a heart monitor, you know? flashes across the screen. I forget which order they came on in, AH, but I remember thinking "why is Isaac dressed nicer than when i've seen him before?!" because Ben was in his usual concert attire, Joe was actually the same as i'd seen him before, Dave as well, and the new Bassist was dressed casually, but Isaac was wearing jeans, a tshirt, and this blazer, with a hat. I'd NEVER SEEN HIM LIVE WITH A HAT BEFORE. IT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Haha yeah. But they played Alt at Once, and AHHH. Then my inquiry about the way he was dressed was answered, because I noticed he now had his blazer off. He said they were in the midst of shooting the video for All At Once, and they wanted crowd shots from the tour on it. He was dressed that way because we had all just been taped. (he told us this AFTER the song was over. I noticed a sign outside the venue that said they were taping something but I didn't know what) Isaac said that they wanted really good shots from Boston because that was the biggest show on this tour. I then looked around me again, like WOW.
EEEEK.

Now Rachael and I are trying to take pictures during songs (I don't remember the order of the rest of the songs...) and that girl the OKgo brother girl from before, is obviously highly intoxicated. (sorry, but I don't think Vienna is a song that constitutes flailing your arms around in the air like a retard.)EVERY time I went to take a picture her hand was in it. So we moved to the two open seats on the other side of my dad, because his friend he gave those tickets to never showed. I glanced over back to the old seats during Dixie, and I saw the same girl with a lighter in her hand, standing on the seat, falling over onto the handicap row in front of her. Like I said, obviously intoxicated.

I spent most of the concert with both arms in the air, either camera or phone. I got videos and pictures, but I have to resize ALL of them so i'll do that later today, I promise. OH MY GOD, HAPPINESS. HAPPINESS WAS SO amazing. All of them doing it together really is better. And Isaac said before they started playing how he flew Anna into Boston on a redeye flight from Seattle at 12 AM the night before because she really wanted to be at that show, and then he dedicated the song to her. EVERYONE went "awwww" hehehehehe =]

So, their encore was OMH and LAY. They did HTSAL actually like...5th or 6th after a story about the Paradise Rock Club show (the one show out of the 5 they have done here in the past two years that I was NOT able to attend because paradise is 18+. I spent that night crying, btw.) where Isaac was sick and the crowd sang for him. He said "this song is dedicated to Boston, one of the first cities that ever sang back" and I LOVED those hanging lights (pictures coming!)

I also loved how for the beginning of Hips Don't Lie, I don't think anyone knew what they were going to sing, but I saw Dave and his little unidentafiable instrument so I screamed really loud and repetitively. Rachael and I were one of the only people, if not the only ones, screaming then. Oh it was great. BUT NO ONE SCREAMED WHEN ISAAC "introduced" BEN. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE SCREAM FOR BEN! not many people screamed during Dave's solo's either...but Joe got lots of applause for Dixie/Heaven Forbid (hahah my stepmom LOVED Dixie)

WONDERWALL/LAY. OH MY GOD. I wanted to CRY, LEGITIMATELY. I WAS SENT INTO A DISCO-BALL-FRAY INDUCED TRANCE. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Isaac said "sing like it's boston high school prom 1999" before they started singing wonderwall. I knew it was coming so of course, I screamed. (and you can hear this on the video, and most of the time, you can hear me singing very very badly, I apologize for that, its awful though) I look to my left, past Rachael, and I see my DAD standing up for the first time during the whole concert. (he has a bad hip so when he stands/sits alot it does not end well.) It might have had something to do with the fact we were leaving soon, but my dad was singing to wonderwall. I swear every single one of those close to 10,000 people were singing. I wanted to cry, but I was in almost kind of a trance, you know?

Overall? one of the best nights of my life, and the best possible way to start my summer.
I would have LOVED to stay after for a while, but sadly it was already after 11 when they finished and my dad did not look like he had a lot of patience or energy, and truthfully, neither did i. I couldn't stand to see any more teenies.

pictures/videos later today, guys.
OH and Liz/Astra/Chandra/Shelly/Anyone else going to Red Rocks, I have a favor to ask
do you think one of you could call me during one song at one of the shows? just one, thats all, and it doesn't even have to be the whole thing, and it doesn't even matter what song. Let me know =]

Oh, and by the way, I think our friend Monica is over the fray now.
thats what her away message says anyway (Astra, sorry, if you like her thats cool, I just don't. Some unnessecary things were said to me.)

All I can say is I, personally, will NOT be getting over The Fray any time in the next at least 5 -8 years, if not longer. Even my dad said he doesn't think he's ever seen me happier than when he takes me to Fray concerts.

byeee

TOMORROW!!!!!!
i'm sosososososoososso excited

Especially because they're doing hips don't lie. You'll be able to see virtually everyone in the crowd raising their eyebrows and make one of those "what the fuck?" faces. But not meee =]
I want to see these flashy lights, etc. It's going to be a whole lot different from the last show.

Ah, but I have to go to Dave Griggs's graduation party tomorrow until like 4:30. GAH. It's not that I really mind going to the party because we've known them forever and blah blah, but my brother told me that since Dave's dad works in the school system (he's the district speech therapist. Thats right we have one speech therapist for 3 elementary schools, a middle school and a high school...gotta love budget cuts) every teacher that Dave had ever had during his school career in North Reading was invited to the party. I'll say here what I said to rachael last night. I don't want to be at a barbeque with my 5th grade teacher, I WANT TO BE AT A BARBQUE WITH ISAAC SLADE, DAMNIT. but noooooooooooo those stupid women who have no idea who isaac slade IS won their way into that one. SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET INTO THE PRIVATE MAROON 5 SHOW LADY BUT ADAM LEVINE WOULDN'T HAVE DATED YOU ANYWAY SO BACK OFF AND LEAVE THaT STUFF FOR SOMEONE WHo REalLLYYYYY WANTS TO GO.

hahahahaha that was a *slight* overreaction. =P
I'll do my very VERY best to get a picture post up here before I leave, but depending on what I have to do sunday I don't know if i'll be able to do it. 'Cause i'm leaving monday.

Spending the night in westchester. I love the drive to new york. But this time we're stopping for mexican food in Danbury, CT. How my dad knows there a mexican restaurant in Danbury I have no idea. But my brothers also driving. I've never been in a car with my brother for that long, AH. My dad'll be there too though. AH i'm worried about the food on the plane to alaska. WHAT IF DINNERS LIKE CHICKEN SOUP. I'm FUCKED. That stuffs gotta be LOADED with sodium. I can't not eat for 9 hours. I'll have to bring a sandwich or something. Or buy one in the terminal. eeeek. OH YEAH, feel free to call & leave me messages if you'd like. Just be aware I don't get to empty my voice mailbox every day and my voice mailbox only holds 10 messages and my grandparents and shit like to call so keep that in mind. 978-979-3603.

PICTURE POST EITHER SUNDAY OR DURING THE DAY MONDAY!

Mmph. A week later, si?
Biopsy results = Focal Sclerosis. (FSGS)
treatment begins after I get back in 5 weeks. I'm participating in a research group so they can test different FSGS treatments to find a definitive way to cure it. I got at least another six-twelve months on medication, and thats if the meds even work, which they might not. But i'm not on the verge of death. If none of the treatment options work for me, THEN they start to worry but we have to exhause everything and hope that this goes into remission with the research group medication. Thats right, remission. Kinda like cancer. Only less deadly? Whatever. Dr. Milner does not seem overly concerned like i'll be dropping dead from renal failure anytime in the really near future.

OH YEAH
speaking of which i'm going away for a while.
5.5 weeks approximately.
June 25th I leave for new york (I asked for fray tickets. That didn't so over so great, at first my dad said yes, then he was like "eh your grades suck & you have to be at laguardia in the morning so no".)
6.26-6.28 - Anchorage, AK
6.28-6.30 - Denali, AK
6.30-7.2 - Fairbanks, AK
7.2-7.4 - Seattle, WA
7.4-7.6 - Whistler, British Columbia
7.6-7.8 - Vancouver, British Columbia
7.8-7.10 - Lake Tahoe, CA
7.10-7.13 San Francisco, CA
7.13-7.16 - Los Angeles, CA
7.16-7.20 - cruise to Ensenada, Baja Mexico
7.20-7.24 - Honolulu, HI
7.24-7.27 - Wailea, HI
7.27-7.30 - Waikoloa, HI

So yep. Thats that.

And yannow, taking these last few final exams this past week (okay so I still have 2 more left, whatever) I have realized that REALLY, I got absolutely nothing out of this year. Except, um...a realization that I have a problem trusting people? I don't knowwwwwwwww
ALL I KNOW IS
I saw mr johnson today
and he told me I passed my algebra final (HECKYES)
biology was so easy I think I could have done it in my sleep. Come on, is SPAGHETTI really a shape of bacteria? OOH NO, mRNA AND MUTATIONS. GEEZ.

I can see the next public service announcement to be aired on CBS/whatever your local network of choice is

"the next time you see a flipped over car on the side of the road, will you sprinkle water on it OR yell at your best friend sprinkling the water on it about how there could be a gas leak and it might explode. Or will you be the friend that witnesses it, and imitates the freakout in a radio interview?"

I didn't go to school today.
I really should have gone in to take the MCAS and then left, because MCAS ends at 9:30 and I still would have made it to the hospital on time.

I'm not allowed to drink anything else until after my biopsy, I haven't eaten anything since dinner last night & i'm not allowed to until after my biopsy, (note: when you're on medication that makes you hungry, this doesn't go over so well) and the worst part? They can't even tell me what time my biopsy is. I just want it to be overwith or better, I don't want it to happen. I really don't want to go. I hope i'll be home tomorrow. They said they discharge the next day if you don't have any complications. And I really hope I don't. Because if the complications occur, I need to have a kidney removed.

Off to the hospital.

"Some stuff was said about you. You don't want to know, but don't worry you're not the only one. not ALL the freshman girls, but a portion, and yeah...you're one of them"

it feels good to be told by your brother you're considered one of the ugly girls in your grade. I thanked him and told him it was just what I needed to hear right now.

Ahaha
I just saw a post of Tori's.
and her comment about the "Holy Freshman Gods"
made me laugh.
I am thanking the holy freshman gods I made it through this year. but WAIT. it's not OVER. I don't even know how many days I have left anymore. I know we have all next week then it's finals week, yes?

This sucks.
anyway, i'm trying to preserve friendships and whatnot, but the thing is, I can't help distancing myself. I mean, i'm emotionally stable and everything, but I have so much going on the last thing in my mind is if I called someone back or answered a message or forgot to say hi. I have enough trouble starting a conversation and keeping one without everything else messing up my head. I want to know when that time happens where everyone figures themselves out and everyone makes their real friends. Isn't that supposed to start happening like sophomore/junior year? Maybe i'm just a bit early? maybe everyone else is a little immature? maybe i'm too mature? maybe i'm really fucked up? haha.

Yeah, I was laying on my bed this morning, and I noticed something. My fray posters. I realized how long it had been since I listened to them, or any music, for that matter. I haven't updated my ipod since before I went into the hospital, in March. I haven't even turned my itunes computer ON since then. Not to mention I need a really good listen to them. Not just a listen, a ~*~~*~listen~*~*~

maybe it'll help calm nerves for my biopsy.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I was supposed to be admitted to the hospital this morning.
I get up, shower, and eat, fully anticipating my next few days at the hospital, completely ignoring the fact that I feel like shit. (I have had a cough and runny/stuffy nose for the past few days, I thought it was just allergies)

So AFTER my stepmom and I take the traffic-laden ride into the city to the hospital and sit in the pediatric nephrology waiting room for half an hour, do they tell me "your chest isn't clear. It's not that big of a deal, the worst that can happen is we can't do the biopsy." so the nurse went to get my doctor. He told me he didn't want to do the biopsy because theres too high of a risk for major complications and infection. And he told me to go get a chest xray, 2 throat cultures and 3 vials of bloodwork. *yay*. we had to go to a different place for all of these, mind you. But hey, what are you going to do.

So I have (in dr. Milner's words) "a touch of bronchitis" and am now on antibiotics, in addition to my other meds. My biopsy was rescheduled for *ding* next tuesday, without the day beforehand hooked up to the IV because I don't have a lot of swelling.
But I'll be missing school tuesday and wednesday, which are *ding* MCAS days. the school's going to be pissed but my parents don't care. (MCAS stands for the massachusetts comprehensive assessment system, it's a huge standardized test you need to pass to graduate high school...I think it's similar to the Regents if you live in NY)

and thats the scoop.
i will be back in school tomorrow.
ugh how much longer?
I have 8 more full days I think (missing one of them, so everyone else has 9) and then finals week, where we get out at 11 every day.

back to trying to win my way into that barbeque.
because the lady who won yesterday really pissed me off
it was one of those people who wasn't trying to win, and kinda was just like "oh really? a barbeque beforehand...alright cool?" yeah.

So i'm done with school for the week.
Well, a lot of kids are done for the year, but I don't finish until the 19th.

But thursday is my biopsy, for those interested, but they want me there tomorrow morning to hook me up to the IV for a day beforehand so I am not retaining fluid DURING the biopsy. I'll be home friday, but i'm not going back to school until monday. Hey, if you want, call my cell phone and leave me a message. I'll have it.

In the meantime, i'm listening to mix 98.5, waiting to hear isaac and ben tell me to win my way into some cheesy over the top pre concert barbeque =P
not that the chances of me winning THAT are higher than 1 in 19872389247 billion but hey, gives me something to do.
because let's face it, i'm not madison, i don't have ~*~connections~*~ i'm not monica or liz, i can't be there at 6 AM, i'll be lucky if I get there 10 minutes before it starts (thats what happens when I don't have to pay for the tickets, both of my parents go.) and I can't use traffic/parking as an excuse, because my had had to buy premier parking. So a cheesy over the top way is the only way that can work for me. Plus, my dad won't turn down free food. Wait. Maybe he will. I don't know. i'm meeting them again any way I can. That involves scarfing a bratwurst and wasting my afternoons. and happy belated birthdays to Isaac and Joe. I'm pretty sure...my heads stuffed up from allergies, and I can't take medicine for it because we don't know if it will cause a reaction with any of the OTHER meds I am on. NOT TO MENTION THE POISON SUMAC ON MY FUCKING ARM. which is going away, but still.

sketchy mr putnam offered me a kidney today. He was obviously joking, but, uh, all I could do was laugh really awkwardly. Like, eh. Thats just........eljfhej.

three more days and this week is over.
then, once they TELL me I have glumerlonephritis (what they are basically testing that I don't have, but they are sugarcoating it, they think I do, actually to quote my doctor "DON'T WORRY, theres treatment, we "borrowed" it from ONCOLOGY. So BASICALLY i'm being treated for cancer?! excellent.) and put me on that medication, I can let THAT take its course.
all because the damn steroids fucked up my body, ruined my bat mitzvah(I worked my ASS off since august of 06 for my bat mitzvah, only to have it ruined at the last possible week by this thing), and made me miserable for 8 weeks, and did a shit ass job of fixing what they were supposed to. They did a half-ass job at plugging the holes in the filters. Fuckers.


i'm not looking for sympathy, just informing.
Venting also, because my parents have sat through this and get pissed when I talk about it because they are sick of hearing about it and i'm sick of thinking about it, but like, it's THERE, it's stuck there, yannow? I can't really escape it. I'm on medicine that has me in the bathroom every half an hour to an hour, I look down on my feet it's like BOOM pregnancy ankles and SPEAKING of pregnancy how many 15 year olds (well almost 16) do you know with stretch marks that are as bad if not WORSE than someone who has been pregnant?
Sorry. Venting.

Also i'm getting really tired of my fat face. The steroids made it puff out and it makes me feel like a fish. And I look like one.

Venting session over.
Mix is NOT playing good music.
Pussycat Dolls.
what a pathetic excuse for music.

i'm fucked up.

If you have to ask
then thats answer enough





I think I heard LATEF CC on mix 985 today.
but jeremy changed the station.

You have no idea how much I wish I could exercise.
how often does a doctor tell you to limit your physical activity and stop drinking fluids?

seriously. wtf.

Mr. Mccarthy is such a tool.
He gave me a 90 in his class even though I never handed in that stupid research paper.
I should print that off tomorrow during powerblock.

So we watched supersize me in that class, we have to do some kind of project with it, and this movie fascinates me. The factual stuff, not the actual watching him eat/bodily funcion/doctors office stuff.
And there was this deleted scene mccarthy had us watch, and it was an experiment over 8 weeks, and there were (among other mcdonalds sandwiches and such) mcdonalds french fries in a bell jar, for 8 weeks. It was being compared to an order of steak fries from a regular restaurant in an identical jar. 8 weeks, the mcdonalds fries did not change . The only thing that rotted on the mcdonalds sandwiches were the buns and lettuce.
thats fucking disgusting.
think about that one next time you bite into those...uh...delicious fries.

I'm pretty damn proud of myself for sticking to my fluid restriction when I was in florida.

Because that was fucking HARD to do
but I did it.

and now I resort to sucking on gobstoppers to keep my mouth from getting dry, to save up ounces to drink because obsessively brushing my teeth, while making my breath always smell really fresh, dried my mouth out more. Ha.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:
Chandra
Kira
and Brittany =D

and I think
I'm beginning to smell the excitement of a concert coming on.
in like 5.5 weeks.
THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

and I was going to go to the earthfest with Taryn like last year because Guster and Mat Kearney and other cool people are going to be there
but eh i'm not sure if I want to.

I would really like a chicken wing right now.
GOOD SNACK.
high in protein.
and they are amazing cold, especially the way my dad makes them.
I'd like to go to new york tuesday morning. but NO.
boo. Hey...what are you going to do.


later.

I deleted my myspace.

Everyone on here who is interested, my email address is howtosavealifex3@aim.com and my last name is goldberg for facebook.

I hate myspace.
And it actually feels liberating, believe it or not.
Hm.

and Shelly, yhank you sosososo much for offering to DVR GMA for me, but i'll be in school then anyway, i'd miss it even if I didn't have a doctors appointment that day, but thank you so much for offering :)

and Liz, that money is being sent out, next week at the very VERY latest, and it shouldn't take more than two days to get to you :)

drop me a line in an email if you please, or comments on here work too. Or facebook wall comments if that floats your boat more.